It is inevitable that parents and teachers will be in conflict.

Knowing your students Students change from day to day, they build up new skills, new behaviour, new lifestyle and cultivate new perceptions time to time. That’s why it is for eternity important to be familiar with the children whom you are going to effort with. Teacher can use a inspection, appraisal, analysis, survey to make icebreakers and all kind of activities. Teacher can use hallucination for inspiration or use a free online survey tool to create online questionnaires and have student complete them on computer or other gadgets. It can be great for a course beginning as you can modify it to fit your needs and use it to find out important facts about your new students. Changes that took place in schools have changed the roles of teachers

If we focus on the teaching process, we still realise that there are a great number of changes in this field as well, and all of them have an influence on the role of teachers. First of all, teachers in modern classrooms are no longer lecturers, they are facilitators, their main task is to set goals and organise the learning process accordingly. Then, in the past, teachers used to follow a syllabus which was compulsory for them. Nowadays, teachers have a National Curriculum, a Core Curriculum and a local (school) curriculum that they have to consider, but - on the other hand - they have independence to choose the teaching materials

Conflict tends to be a part of our lives and all too often, is inevitable. Emotions run high when dealing with differences over the best way to deal with disabilities. Dealing with conflict and disagreement effectively is half the battle and can create positive outcomes. When conflict and disagreement are handled inappropriately, the outcome can be destructive and are rarely in the best interest of either party, let alone the student.

At the same time, all of the parties are often under a lot of pressure. There are more and more demands put on public education without enough resources, not only monetary but also human (not enough qualified personnel) and often those resources, but physical and the time of the professionals, are stretched thin. At the same time, with the spread of information, often misinformation, parents sometimes pressure teachers and schools to try therapies or educational strategies that are not based on data and peer-reviewed research. 

• Parents:  Often parents have powerfully conflicting emotions. On one hand, they are extraordinarily protective, but some parents at the same time may hold deeply ableist attitudes of shame or guilt over their child's disabilities - which is a problem in and of itself. Sometimes parents conceal these feelings, even from themselves, by coming on strong. 
• Teachers and Para-professionals: Good teachers seek to do what is best for their students and take pride in their effectiveness as educators. Sometimes we become thin-skinned if we think parents or administrators are questioning either our integrity or our commitment to the student. Relax. It's easier said than done, but we need to reflect rather than becoming overly reactive. 
• Administrators: As well as being accountable to parents and students, administrators are also accountable to superiors who are charged with protecting the interests of the school districts, which may include keeping the costs of providing services down. That is why they are often called the Local Education Authority (LEA) in our meetings. Some administrators, unfortunately, don't understand that investing time and attention into their staff will produce better outcomes for everyone. 

Differences must be resolved - it is in the best interest of the child to do so. Remember, sometimes a disagreement occurs as a direct result of a misunderstanding. Always clarify the issues at hand.

• Parents and school staff members must work closely together to address the issues.
• Pro-active means of reducing conflict include sharing positive information about the student with parents in an ongoing manner. 
• It is essential for both parties to realize that the goals for the child are 'shared goals'. Both must agree that the child's interest comes first.
• Avoid confrontation and deal specifically with solutions to the identified issues and be prepared to offer alternatives.
• Always deal with the issues rather than the emotions and the people involved. Acknowledging the emotions may be a positive way to diffuse them. 
• Decide on what you can compromise on, effective resolution usually requires some form of compromise on both parties behalf.
• Be sure that your expectations are realistic and reasonable.
• Specify both long term and short term goals and state when a follow-up visit should occur.
• All parties need to commit to the recommended solutions and agree jointly.
• All parties must rely on each other, it is, therefore, essential to work out differences and work together regardless of how sensitive the issue is.

The parent-teacher relationship is precious—and complicated. It’s precious because of the potential for a partnership that supports our children’s learning, their development, and their lives.

It’s complicated because it’s a “hot” relationship charged with love, commitment, hope, dreams, fears, righteousness, frustration, power dynamics and, sometimes, fury. Parent-teacher relationships are also complicated because the conversations parents and teachers have are often at the center of many complex and–sadly—broken social systems that impact schools and kids. Add to this the fact that many parents see teachers as having too much power over them and their kids, and that many teachers feel ill-equipped to deal with the issues they face in their schools, districts, and even their classrooms.

Dr. Annie McKee, the Director of the Penn GSE’s Chief Learning Officer Executive Doctoral Program, studies the dynamics of relationships in education. She offers these suggestions for smoothing out your relationships with parents:

Plan ahead.

When parents and teachers sit down to talk, both parties can be fearful and self-protective, and conflict is almost inevitable. This is obviously not a good place to start an important conversation about a child’s learning or her future. It can go downhill when the conversation gets tough, when a parent misunderstands a teacher’s comments, or a teacher misreads a parent’s emotions.  Most parents and teachers strive to avoid this scenario. But in actuality it’s pretty common. Take steps to avoid a breakdown before one can happen.

It all starts with self-awareness.

Good leaders work hard to develop an understanding of how their emotions impact their thoughts and behaviors. This is emotional intelligence in action. Parents are leaders. So are teachers. One way to ensure better relationships between us is to seek to understand the programmed feelings and habitual thoughts we have about one another.  What’s my stress level today, and how might that affect how I come across?  What assumptions am I making about this parent? Am I inadvertently judging this person unfairly?

Managing our feelings.

We all know that we shouldn’t fly off the handle when someone says something we don’t like, or shut down, or make assumptions about people—but we all do these things. Part of the reason is that when we are stressed we can fall prey to the “feel-act-think” syndrome. This is an amygdala hijack—the limbic brain takes over, fight/flight kicks in, and our rational brain takes a break. Emotionally intelligent people, on the other hand, hone skills related to self-management and get the order right: feel….think….act. Often, parents have a deep and primal reaction to a teacher—a reaction that is borne of childhood experiences and one’s own relationship with powerful people in adult life, too. Sometimes, and unfortunately, teachers feel uncomfortable making real contact with parents—having real conversations. To avoid this, and to protect themselves, they do what humans often do in such situations: magnify the power differences, and act in a role-based, more distant manner. 

Every interaction brings choices.

Some interactions, like those between parents and teachers, are charged to begin with. Simply slowing down, and asking oneself a few questions can help so much: Will I lean in to my frustration or stress, or will I dig deep to find empathy? Will I emphasize the negatives, or focus on the positive messages I can share?

It was back to school night. I was teaching American History. A parent asked me, somewhat accusingly, "Given your liberal bias, how do you plan to teach the New Deal?" My assumption was that this was a Republican parent. My response was, "Well, as to being a liberal, guilty as charged! But as a history teacher, I have a responsibility to help students look critically at the varied perspectives of historical events. I give equal and fair time to Wilkie and other good Republicans." After the session ended, we chatted about how FDR tried to stack the Supreme Court, and I told him I was aware that FDR didn't walk on water.

There were two key variables operating for me. First, I knew my subject very well and knew that I placed my emphasis on students' critical thinking and effectively drawing conclusions, never on indoctrination. Second, I always responded to parents non-defensively and tried to imagine what they were feeling as I communicated with them. After all, I was also a parent!

I want to share a few ways in which parents and teachers can build bridges when they have differences of opinion related to the student and/or the course. I'm purposely omitting an examination of teacher interactions with highly destructive parents and parent dealings with clearly bad teachers. These are not normative and, while important, need exploration as separate topics.

Roles and Expectations

While I believe strongly in a close relationship between parents and teachers, natural allies in educating and supporting the development of children, parent-teacher conflict is also a common phenomenon. The question is: how can conflicts be resolved and, if possible, lead to positive outcomes?

An exercise I did with my teacher interns may be instructive. I gave them a fictitious letter from two immigrant Filipino parents who felt that their sons were not getting the full support they needed. A Filipino colleague who knew many immigrant parents created the letter. The interns were asked to write a response. Then I engaged them in an in-class role-play where they took turns representing their own position and the parents' position.

All too often, the interns explained to the parents the rationale for their teaching approach and tried to assure them that they were not discriminating. But some understood that they needed to focus their attention on truly listening to the parents, putting themselves in the place of the parents. They assured the parents that they would do a better job of attending to their two sons.

When there are parent-teacher conflicts, the factors most frequently at work are (a) control issues, and/or (b) differences in values, and/or (c) different perceptions of the student. And the three are often closely related.

It's important that parents understand they can't control what happens in class and that the classroom is the domain of the teacher. Similarly, teachers have to let go of any notion that they can control what happens in the student's home. What each can do, however, is listen carefully to see if they can learn something from the other about what could improve things for the student in either of those settings.

Communication and Compromise

It was important for me as a parent to immediately let my son's and daughter's teachers know if there was any crisis at home that might affect my kids in school. It was also important for me to let them know when my kids felt excessive school-related pressure that was causing them to lose their appetites or lose sleep. Almost every teacher I encountered was responsive to that feedback.

Similarly, as a teacher I spent a lot of time carefully informing concerned parents about what my approach was to teaching and what kind of classroom environment I established. And whenever a parent contacted me with some concern or criticism, I tried not to be defensive.

It is inevitable that there will be value differences, but still there is often frustration when someone doesn't share our values. Both teachers and parents need to remind themselves that differences in values can be bridged only by respect for each other's values and a willingness to compromise.

In addition, parents and teachers may have very different perceptions of a student, and both are usually correct. It's not surprising that students behave differently in different contexts. By sharing their perceptions, parents and teachers each develop a greater understanding of the student.

Perceptions and Realities

This blog barely scratches the surface of a very fertile topic, so I recommend that you check out these additional sources.

My colleague Rick Curwin’s Edutopia blog, Parents and Teachers: The Possibility of a Dream Team, is at the top of my list. Rick often has excellent ideas for both teachers and parents. Pay particular attention to his comments about "dumping." Both blaming and defending are counterproductive to effective teacher-parent relationships.

Although I’m not crazy about the titles, two books by Todd Whitaker come highly recommended, Dealing with Difficult Parents: And Parents in Difficult Situations and Dealing with Difficult Teachers. I think if we remember that each of us can be perceived as difficult when we have differences with each other, care and communication can make us a lot easier!

Another excellent source is Allen Mendler's Handling Parents. It's available from the Teacher Learning Center.

The bottom line for me is that teachers should feel secure in their knowledge of their subject and their philosophy, should welcome parents' perspectives and even their critical feedback, should never be defensive and, to truly take the role of the parent, should put themselves in the parent's shoes.

For parents, it's important to meet with the teacher as soon as possible when any concerns develop, to share these concerns, and to listen carefully to the teacher’s perspective so that every parent really understands what happens in his or her child's classroom.

And to the degree that both parent and teacher can let go of any notion that they are "right" and instead focus on mutually helping the student, conflicts can truly become partnerships.