Editor’s note: This article originally published on November 10, 2016. In 2002, I received a phone call from Patrick, a former high school player I had coached. He had graduated college and was applying to medical school. “Coach,” he said, “I just wanted to let you know that I am studying for my medical school exams, and it is really hard. But every time I want to put down my books, or if I am in the gym working out, I think of you coaching our team. I picture you telling us “Is that the best you can do? Can’t you do one more? Can’t you do it a bit better?’ and I keep going.” “Really?” I said. “You still remember that?” “I think of it every day,” he said. “Your words and your coaching really have made a huge impact on me, and many of my teammates. So I just wanted to say thanks.”
John founded the Changing the Game Project in 2012, which promotes a child-centred approach to youth sport. The author of the book, Changing the Game, John is a training centre director for the Major League Soccer Portland Timbers. Follow Changing the Game Project on Twitter, Facebook, or read more on the blog. I didn’t know what to think. I was proud, but more so, I was scared. I was scared because for every kid like Patrick — a player with whom I’d had a great relationship — I could think of a few players I didn’t serve well. I wasn’t always positive, and I certainly was far more concerned with results than I was for how I made players feel. I reached a lot of kids, but I know others quit because of me and the environment I created. I know some grew to hate a sport they used to love because, as Joe Ehrmann puts it in his amazing book InsideOut Coaching, I was transactional in my coaching, and not transformational. No one ever taught me differently. They certainly didn’t talk about the relationship part of coaching in traditional coaching education. I am not blaming anyone here. I just didn’t know better. Every week on our blog, on Facebook and Twitter, we post messages about being better coaches and parents for our kids. We speak about creating a positive, supportive, and enjoyable environment. We speak about putting the needs, values, and priorities of the athletes first and foremost. We talk about making youth sports an environment of respect and trust, not fear and intimidation. And we speak about focusing on the development of the person and the athlete, and not just the outcome of the game or season. Yet for many years, I was not that coach. That eats at me every day. One phone call changed everything for me. Because of that call, the coach I am today is a far cry from the one I was when I started coaching over two decades ago. It taught me that our influence as a coach is never neutral. It taught me the tremendous impact of our words and actions on kids. Most importantly, it taught me to be intentional about every single thing I did as a coach. Today I want to share with you eight things I wish I did differently. We don’t get a do-over, but we all can “do better.” I share these because I know there are others out there like I was, and I want them to know it’s OK not to be perfect, as long as you are honest with yourself and not afraid to change. Here are eight things I wished I never did as a coach, and what I should have done instead:
I plead guilty to every one of the eight charges described above. But that is okay because years ago I had a conversation with Patrick that changed my life. I am not the coach I used to be; far from it. I am not perfect, and I am not supposed to be. At times I still struggle to say, “what did you learn?” when we lose 8-0. I still have a hard time biting my tongue and watching a goal get scored instead of joy-sticking a player into position. I sometimes fail to own my mistakes, listen well, and be humble. But all that is okay because my journey is not over. It should never end. I don’t want to have a 40 year coaching journey reliving the same season 40 times. I want every season I coach to be better than the last. Every day I am trying to get better. My players know it. Their parents know it. And I know it. Coaches, we owe it to the kids to honestly evaluate our coaching, and if necessary hit the reset button like I did. Have the courage to change. Take ownership of who you are and what you do. Be a difference maker. Be better! |